I'm pondering a lot of things these days and one is how very different I am as a person, as a woman, now than I was 10 years ago. It amazes to me to look back and realize that I once got regular manicures and pedicures, got my hair done in Santa Monica, went to the movies once or twice a week and dined out at upscale restaurants. I got Starbucks nearly every day and went shopping nearly every weekend. I actually used to buy a new outfit once a week! I went out for drinks and dancing with girlfriends. We went to the beach constantly, worked out at the gym every day. Yep, once upon a time I actually wore a bikini while strolling with friends down the boardwalk in Newport Beach. :)
On one hand, these memories are nostalgic. I smile when I think about how many henna tattoos I'd get and how I used to have four piercings in each of my ears. How my best friend and I would obsess over movie stars and nail polish colors and waxing our eyebrows and wearing skinny jeans. Some days I wish I still fit into my skinny jeans and had kept my ear piercings, but mostly I have a different view of beauty now.
I've gotten many superficial compliments over the years and while every woman likes to hear someone thinks she's pretty or has lost weight, what matters more today is being told I'm a good mom. A good wife. That my home has peace, is welcoming, that love radiates from our family. These are all things that I work harder at now than I ever did on my appearance when I was 22.
My mother-in-law paid me one of the best compliments of my life a few weeks ago. It has really stuck with me and given me so much encouragement and motivation.
Yesterday I met a woman, a neighbor, a new friend. She's beautiful. She's slightly heavy, has gray roots and wears no makeup. But she's a beautiful mother, she gardens, she loves on her children. She invited Connor and I into her home, made us lunch. She asked me about myself, what I like to do. We sat on her back porch and talked about gardens and flowers. I had been working in my yard when we started to chat. My hair was in a messy ponytail, I had on no makeup, I wore my oldest pair of shorts and a comfortable tank top. I had dirt under my nails and scratches all over my arms and legs. I looked at my new friend and admired her laugh lines and her plain hands, nails short, also covered in good soil from the earth. And I thought this is lovely.
Maybe it makes me feel better and more comfortable to be in the company of someone as equally plain as myself. I probably would feel self-conscious these days with some of my girlfriends that are still sleek and well-groomed with perfect eyebrows and acrylic nails. I do admire that kind of "put together" beauty. Maybe one day I'll be like that again on a daily basis but not now, and not any time soon.
Right now I want to be a little messy. I like to see my hands kneading dough or scrubbing my kitchen sink. I like my short nails that get caked with dirt while Connor and I dig in the garden. I'm small but I'm proud that I'm strong enough to swing my little boy around, shovel dirt, haul bricks and move furniture. I don't mind being covered in bruises and scratches. Today I have a gash on my leg from moving bricks and several splinters from working with wood. I have two hands that are not quite "normal" but can do a lot. I have a body that definitely has it's drawbacks and limitations, but I can still do a lot. I am prouder of being able to do so much with my home and my family than I ever was for working out at the gym and fitting into a size 2. I'm so thankful I can go on hikes and walk around the zoo all day with my kiddo.
I hope other moms always reach this point in their lives. That they can feel strong and capable, that their not-so-perfect hair and wardrobe actually make them more beautiful because their time and energy are spent on really important things. That being covered in flour while baking or dirt while planting a garden with their 2 year old is a wonderful thing. That when you see laugh lines in the mirror, you're thankful to see the evidence that you've spent most of your life smiling. That what enhances your beauty the most is peace and love; joy that shines from your mostly makeup-less face. ;)
I don't mean to imply that I run around all day, every day like a wild woman. :) I'm lucky enough to have a wide-open schedule and a very obedient son. I actually get to take a shower every day, shave my legs and put on lotion. I like to wear tinted lip balm and try to look decent, if not cute, for my husband when he gets home from work. But it's all easy, there's no pressure to look perfect. Simple is good and better for me these days.
Mother's Day is fast approaching and that is another reason I've been realizing all of these things. Thinking of ways to make the women in my life feel special. How they are all so different and yet all so beautiful to me. Every one of them has the distinction of being an amazing mother and to me, that makes them the most beautiful. There is no greater compliment in the world!
No comments:
Post a Comment