Moving On

Shortly after I had surgery back in May, Nick was told that the Army was seriously considering moving his whole department to Texas. He volunteered to be among the first to go, and for nearly 2 months we've waited to hear if we're really going.

Now we know we are. The Army said yes it's happening, they don't know when, but it could be anywhere within the next 2-8 months. Lucky for us, our relocation will be paid for and that makes going with a joyful heart much easier! :)

Most people lament when they hear our news. They feel sorry for us having to move from Colorado to Texas. I'm still unsure as to why this is. I know Colorado is beautiful, but so is Texas. San Antonio, the area we'll be in, is full of awesome things to do. There will be beautiful land, hill country, horses and farms. All the things I love. :) We'll be less than 3 hours away from the coast of the Gulf of Mexico. We'll be able to go to the beach! And to Sea World! :) There is so much to look forward to, not the least of which is a very good career move for Nick. He's super excited. We really cannot wait to go.

Part of me is a little sad too, of course. We've learned to love it here and we've made friends. Good friends. It will hurt to say goodbye. I have no doubt we'll make more friends, find another great church. We'll just miss those that God put in our lives for this short season.

Connor and I have been taking more drives and walks, photographing our lovely little corner of Colorado. We're enjoying it for as long as we are here.

For awhile, I was sad about leaving this home as well. But one day as I was in the backyard watching Connor play, I was feeling melancholy and started to pray and think about why that was. It came to me that Colorado and this home remind me of Sean so much. Nearly the entire time we've lived here I was pregnant, on bed rest, miscarried, and recovered here. My backyard in particular has lost it's appeal. All I can remember now is how many hours I spent out there resting during my pregnancy, then trying to heal and recover.

I feel nothing but a sense of loss. I know we've had some really good times here, despite everything. In some ways Colorado will always be a place of beauty and love for us. In other ways, it's full of too much pain and sadness for me. After Nick told me we'd be moving to Texas, I had to ask God why we were brought here. I feel as though I came here to just lose a child and bury a part of my heart forever.

That's not altogether fair, but that's how I feel a lot of the time.

Connor has loved it here and we've had a lot of fun times exploring and getting to know the area. We've decided that now that we know we have to leave, we're going to try and see some popular landmarks and parts of Colorado we had thought we had years to try and visit someday. We'll fill our memory book with more good times.

I'm afraid of what I'll feel when we're gone. Although we aren't leaving behind a grave, I wonder if it will hurt to feel like I'm leaving Sean here while we move along. It will be just another painful reality to get accustomed to I suppose.

Overall, I have high hopes for a new beginning in Texas. I'm glad to move on, thankful God is giving us a chance at a fresh start (again!).