Runaway Toddler

This season of parenting has been challenging for me. On top of a lot of other difficult things life has thrown at us recently, I have a 2 year old that is constantly changing and growing. He keeps me on my toes!

He threw me for a major loop one day on a walk. We like this trail around the lake because it's right down the street from our house and it's flat and easy terrain. No cliffs to tumble over or creeks to fall into. Very safe. It's also one-way, so at some point we have to just turn around and walk back to the car.

We've walked this path many, many times. Connor likes to jog ahead of me a bit but I never worry because he always stops to look at something or if I do need to ask him to slow down and wait, he does.

This particular day, my knee hurt. It had been hurting so badly for several days, I could barely walk on it. I have no idea why. But I am one of those weird people whose aches and pains disappear when I am more active and are worse when I rest too much. So I opted to take this walk in hopes it would help my knee.

We started off, and Connor ran ahead. Soon he was way, way ahead and I called for him to wait. I can be pretty fast when I want to be and catch up with him somewhat, but after too long my knee was throbbing. Connor looked back at me, then took off.

I yelled and screamed and demanded that he stop, wait, come back. He just kept running faster and I could see that he was truly running away as fast as he could. I hobbled along as fast as I could, fuming and scared and wondering what I ought to do. I have no idea exactly how far away he was, but his bright red hair bobbing along the trail was about all I could see and my throat was becoming hoarse from screaming. I could not believe that my Connor was actually doing this.

I finally decided to try one more thing, then I'd call Nick to drive over and chase the little turd down. I screamed at Connor that I was going to leave, and I stopped running limping after him. He finally stopped and refused to even turn his head my way (stubborn!), but I could see him look at me out of the corner of his eye. Although he seemed to be a mile away and I was really scared, I turned around and walked away from him. In about 2 seconds, he was running back my way. I wouldn't say anything more, but turned a bend where he couldn't see me and sat down to rest and wait for him and try not to have a heart attack.

He caught up soon enough and sat down next to me and said brightly "Hi Mommy!'. Instead of walloping him, we had a serious talk. We talked about how Mommy could not run after him and that he needed to stay with Mommy and if he couldn't, Mommy could not take him anywhere anymore.

Welcome to the world of being a disabled parent. Sometimes it really sucks.

After that, we walked back to the car, subdued. Connor insisted on holding my hand and, in fact, told me about 100 times on the way back "I hold your hand Mommy". I felt like an utter failure and a horrible, useless mother.

Thankfully we came upon some ladybugs on our way back and this brightened our moods considerably. These plants growing all over the fields were full of ladybugs! We had so much fun looking at them and trying to catch one to put on Connor's hand.

I sorry Mommy

Look, ladybugs!

Got one!

Utterly delighted

I feel bad that Connor has to learn this lesson, that his mom can't do certain things. But it's reality. Am I afraid of taking him for another walk or hike? Um, yeah I was. For about a day. But I decided we had to move past this.

The next day we walked around our neighborhood. It was only about 6 or 7 blocks, but it went well. I did not have to say anything to Connor. As soon as we stepped out of the door, he said "I hold your hand Mommy" and he did. The entire walk.