Years ago, Nick and I had an interesting conversation about why we do the things we do. We didn't have kids and I worked full-time, but I always did all the cooking and cleaning. Nick assumed I did that because I liked it and that got us started on the subject. My initial response was that while I didn't exactly dislike doing chores, it wasn't the liking that made me do it. I did it out of my sense of duty, because it was the right thing to do. I was raised to believe that laundry, cooking, cleaning and child rearing were the job of a woman. They were tasks to be learned and master "because you'll have a home of your own one day and you'll need to know how to take care of it!" as my mother always said.
Now, I am very grateful for having been taught these things. But I do wish that more meaning had been behind it. In the early years of marriage, I grew to enjoy cooking to please my husband. I selected dishes I thought he'd find tasty and anticipated his reaction and happiness. Nick isn't a very expressive person even when he's ecstatic, so I had to learn to be content with a clean plate as my "thank you". Yes, I admit to being a little disappointed sometimes. When you cook for hours and present a delicious meal, who wouldn't want to hear praises and thanks?
It wasn't until I had Connor and began to stay at home full time that I started to look at homemaking a whole different way. As I've had the time to think and pray and focus my heart on my new role, the Lord has opened up a new aspect of cooking to me.
I still cook meals that I think my husband and son will find tasty and enjoy eating. But the eating part is only a portion of my goals while cooking.
I cook things that smell good, that fill our home with a comforting aroma. I plan my dinners around my husband's arriving home from work. I want him to walk into a home that smells good, anticipating the meal ahead.
Although I have days that feel more frenzied, and days when everything seems to go wrong, I have been striving to make dinner a time of peace and joy. When my son watches me cook, I want him to see me doing it with joy. I want my husband to walk into the house and see me smiling, happy to be cooking a meal for him. I don't mean to be trying to create a picture of perfection. I'm human, not a Stepford Wife. I may share my frustrations with my husband at a later time, and confess my failures of the day if I really need to vent. But overall, I've committed to choosing JOY. Do I want to be another drag in life, tainting my home with a bad attitude? Welcoming my husband home from a hard day of work and traffic with a sour face and a tirade of complaints? No, not if I can possibly help it.
There's a lot to be said for choosing joy.
The house is often cluttered with toys as Connor plays, but I try to have the kitchen clean and the table set for meals in a peaceful environment. As our family sits down together for dinner each evening, I want us all to enjoy the food but also to enjoy the full experience. Togetherness, thankfulness.
As the meal winds down, I love to bring out a cake or cookies or other special dessert I made just for Nick.
I'm finding that cooking is a special ministry for me. I will make comforting foods in time of stress, a new ethnic recipe just for fun and to liven things up with a theme.
Planning meals ahead of time makes this go much more smoothly, as does letting go of the idea that a meal needs to be fancy. I once timed myself making a cake by scratch and it took me 7 minutes from start to finish. Simple and quick and easy is always good!
It has brought me a lot of joy recently to embrace this aspect of homemaking in a new way. Although I still see my duties as responsibilities that I must tend to, they are tasks that I can do with a lot of joy. And it reflects in my household. As I've watched my husband be more likely to linger at the dining room table and play with his son after a meal, I know he came away from the whole experience with contentment and happiness.
For more inspiration in the area of cooking, check out this link:
An Instrument of Comfort
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